Just Breathe
by MohinniGold
Summary: Ray suddenly finds that without Neela, he can't breathe...
1. Chapter 1

Title: Just Breathe…

Author: Lisa

Disclaimer: I do not own these characters and am making no money off this story. It is purely for my own enjoyment.

Distribution: Let me know.

Email: you know what it feels like to literally not be able to breathe? Air yearning to escape your inflated lungs-No, air _begging _to be let out of lungs about to burst. It is not comfortable. It's not even due to a sickness, a disease, a punctured lung, no, none of those. Shock, maybe? Not even that. Fright? Yes, that is the word. Sudden fright.

It's funny because it happens for literally a second, perhaps, a millisecond, yet so much is covered in that time. Visions or memories, thoughts, feelings, unspoken words needing to be said, stuff you maybe thought you might want to say but are not even sure of yet. All this while I imagine a hand delicately covering the hole at the top of my lungs where the air would be set free. The same hand that perhaps is threatening to take away something you might consider the most important thing in your life.

This is how it feels to not be able to breathe. Lungs feeling as if they were about to burst while your whole life explodes in front of you. I realize everything I am, I have, I feel, is a big jumbled mess and I can't find anything in it. I know what I'm looking for, I've always known and I know it's somewhere in this mess, but sometimes I think it's been too long now. Maybe now it is lost for good.

And suddenly I'm back and the air is set free but I am not relieved. Instead, I must push it to the side, force it to stay there, or terrible things could happen. Or something terrible has already happened.

Rewind to 5 days earlier….

"I didn't say thank you." Neela said quietly as she looked out the window of the car and watched the snowy streets of Chicago go by.

Ray looked away from the road to give her a glance and then focused again. "For what?"

Neela straightened in her seat and looked over at Ray. From the corner of his eye, he could see her and observed her expression as one of softness. He'd always liked to think that deep down she was probably some sexy exotic Indian girl who belly dances a man into seduction. He snorted at the thought of the cliché then sighed. No, at that moment she looked like the innocent and good girl that she really is. "For driving me to the airport," she answered.

He almost laughed. He had, for a moment, forgotten what the question was due to his moment of fantasizing. "Oh, well, as a matter of fact, you didn't."

She gave him a one-sided smile. "Well, I am."

"Are what?"

"You know," she said, nodding.

"Uh…No, I don't." Ray smirked.

She playfully hit him in the shoulder. "Ray!"

"What! You didn't actually, _say _it. How am I supposed to know?" He asked.

"Because…"

"Because…." he urged.

She shrugged, then with a smile she answered, "We're roomies."

He frowned at her. "Roomies? What is that?"

She laughed. "It means I can eat your Apple Jacks."

"You make it sound like we're sorority sisters," he continued. "And no, you can't eat my Apple Jacks, but you do anyway."

She laughed more.

"It really isn't that funny." He said and watched her laugh out of the corner of her eye. After a moment, he laughed with her. Once they both calmed down, there was a moment of silence.

Then Neela said, "Thank you."

He raised an eyebrow, "Your welcome."

Neela looked away again and became uncomfortably silent.

"Neela?"

She turned to him. "Yeah?"

"It's not going to be so bad, you know." Ray told her.

She sighed, "You don't know my parents, Ray."

"I guess I don't."

"You don't. I'm in constant collision with them. I just…" She couldn't finish.

"What?"

"I don't believe the way they do, you know? I know that it's OK to…have a man as a roommate, for example. But I wish I could live my life without feeling like it were all some big betrayal to all that is good," she explained.

"They don't like me?" Ray asked

"Did you hear a word I said?" She asked, annoyed

"Yes, I did. Can't you explain to them that you and I are _just _roommates and nothing else…and never will be?" Ray asked

"If only it were that simple. They don't believe a man and a woman can just be friends. But it's not just that. It's other things. I've finished medical school, I'm a doctor now. So now my hobby should be finding a husband and planning children," Neela told him.

"Uh huh…so your parents don't like me?"

"RAY!"

"What is it? I mean, I always thought I was likeable," Ray said.

She eyed him and said, "Oh yeah, your tattoos and black nail polish are just so appealing to a traditional Indian family."

"Hey, it's the reason I got them damn it," he replied.

She rolled her eyes then sighed, "God, I have to spend two weeks up there."

"Neela, come on, Its Christmas time OK. Be cheery," he ordered as they pulled up to the airport and got out.

He helped her with her bags as they walked up to the terminal. "I will be cheery. I mean, I still love them."

"Of course you do, they are your parents," he said a matter-a-fact.

"Not everyone loves their parents," she replied while checking in.

He looked away as he said, "Trust me they do, no matter how much shit their parents put them through."

Neela glanced at him curiously, wondering if he meant something deeper by that but it left her mind as quickly as it came.

"Hope you don't mind, Monica might come over while you're gone," He smirked and added, "A little Christmas celebration for me, you know?"

She rolled her eyes and sighed at his demeanor, "Fine. But I don't want her eating my Special K Red Berries."

"Relax, she may be skinny, but she's not into that health food crap. I've seen this girl chug a half liter of beer and chow down on half a pizza-everything on it," he told her.

"Such charming qualities," she said sarcastically.

"Boarding for Flight 815 to India has now begun," they heard over the loudspeaker.

"God, I can't believe we're spending Christmas in India. It's not bad enough I have to see my parents but my whole family?" Neela whined.

Ray turned her around and put her carry on bag over her shoulder, "You'll be fine. Relax, take in a deep breathe, and Rock and Roll baby." He gently pushed her forward.

She walked forward towards the gate while waving goodbye.

Ray waved back and yelled "Have a Merry Christmas!"

Neela mumbled, "you too."

Six days later…

Ray practically bolted into the ER. Yesterday was the worst of his life. He hadn't been able to sleep and he couldn't stop sweating because he was so frantic. He couldn't unglue his eyes from the phone and hung up within 3 seconds on anyone who wasn't the person he was waiting for to talk to.

"Lockhart!" He called out and ran towards Abby.

She turned around and looked up at him from her chart, "What is it Ray? I got patients."

"Anything?" He asked, hoping against all hope.

When Abby noticed the still worried look in Ray's eyes that she'd seen the night before, her voice softened, "No."

Ray lowered his head. After a moment, when nothing was said, Abby walked away.

Night before….

"Yeah, but we can't do anything till the INR results. They've got her on 8 mg of Coumadin a day." Ray explained.

"So?" Morris asked.

"So, she could bleed to death during surgery," Ray explained.

"Oh." Morris looked behind Ray at the TV in the waiting area.

"You did put those results in for stat right?" Ray asked, while he jotted things down on the clipboard.

"Hey?"

Ray looked up, Morris wasn't even paying attention.

"Is that where Neela went for Christmas?" Morris nodded towards the TV. "Oh man…look at that!"

Ray rolled his eyes but looked out of habit. What he saw made him freeze. Everything around him was tuned out yet the TV reporter seemed to get louder.

"It is said the Tsunami came without warning. There is complete devastation, thousands are feared dead."

Suddenly, Ray couldn't breathe.

To be continued...


	2. Chapter 2

I really want to thank everyone for their reviews. You guys were really awesome to leave me your thoughts on the story. Anyway, here is chapter 2 and I hope you like it.

Chapter 2

Brahmapur, India

Neela sighed with relief when the sounds of her relatives became decreased as they all left the house. She'd arrived late last night and had been longing for her Aunt Rajah's plush couch. However, her family was too excited about the new doctor in the family. She was hounded with questions, as if she were some celebrity. Everyone wanted to know everything. It was at that time Neela would rather have been in her crummy old apartment, rolling her eyes at something Ray had done to annoy her.

Now though, it would be her sisters turn to be hounded and Neela could finally catch some sleep. So, as soon as the last relative was out the door, she let herself collapse on the couch.

Lying on her back, she stared up at the ceiling. She studied the swirling patterns of orange and brown and for the first time since she'd been back to Indian she was able to feel a pure moment of enjoyment at being back. The feel of the warm air that wrapped around you like a blanket. The sun shining like a jewel in the sky. The exotic animals sleeping under trees, observant as of you as you are of them. Turning on the radio and hearing the cool sounds of Bally Jagpal or Kam Dhillon instead of being blasted by some wannabe rock group.

The beach was and always had been her favorite part of India though. The best thing about being in Brahmapur was that she was so close to it. Her Aunt Rajah lived within walking distance. Neela could stare at the ocean for hours and feel pure tranquility. Even last night on the drive home, her eyes never left the beach when they drove by it. She could see the waves dance with such force, she didn't think she'd ever seen them like that before. It was beautiful, she had thought to herself.

Though her family could anger her so and she did miss her messy apartment, even Ray, she still felt happiness to see India again. She was comforted by the fact that she would find the bright side of things. Ray was right, it's Christmas, a time to be cheery. She would be cheery, she decided as her eyes closed to sleep.

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Fast Forward

With all his might, Ray was trying. He really was, but the girl shook so much with fear had it not been for her focused expression he would have thought she was having a seizure. She was a patient with a traumatic medical experience in her past and tiny veins. Good IV sites were hard to find and painful for her. She could tell you stories of having to be stuck over 8 times to try and find a good vein.

But the more she shook with fear, he admitted no matter how much confidence he'd had in his phlebotomy skills, she was making him feel inadequate. Although he should have realized that even the calmest patient couldn't calm his nerves. No matter where he went it was all about the Tsunami that had happened a day and a half ago. The radio talked about it, the TV showed horrifying images, and the people around him couldn't find another subject. To make matters worse, Neela hadn't called and nobody knew anything. Her plane, if she was on it, was due in early tomorrow morning and Ray would be there waiting, till everyone was off that plane if that's what it took.

"Are you sure? You have to be absolutely sure," the young girl said to him while he inspected a vein on her right arm.

"I'm just looking. I'm not going to stick you yet," Ray assured.

Tears streamed down her face. "Just please, be absolutely sure," she said again.

He nodded then said, "This one looks really good."

She whimpered. "Are you sure? That looks like a bad spot."

"I can feel the vein really good," he explained.

"GO FISH!" The boy in the next bed squealed to his mom.

Ray became startled then sighed with annoyance as the boy continued to laugh loudly. He tried to ignore the kid, though he found it ironic that the kid could squeal so loudly with a supposedly scratchy throat.

He took an elastic band and wrapped it around the girls arm then wiped the area with an alcohol pad and took out an IV. "Ready?" He asked her. "It'll be really quick."

"GO FISH AGAIN!"

"Go ahead," she answered him and shut her eyes.

Ray leaned forward and brought the needle to her skin, his hand beginning to shake as a memory entered his mind.

000000000000000000000

_"I don't understand. What is the point of this game again?" Neela asked while inspecting her cards closely._

_"You gotta see if I'm lying or not," Ray explained._

_ "But if I have two Aces then I know you have the other two. And if you put down two cards and say they are two aces then why would you be lying? I don't get it," Neela went on._

_Ray sighed, "Neela, I thought you were supposed to be a genius?"_

_"I am when it makes sense. This seems pointless."_

_ "Look, I'm going to put down two cards and I'm gonna say two aces. But maybe I only put down one Ace and a Queen. If you think I'm lying you say 'BS' and you look. If I am lying I pick up all those cards and If I was telling the truth and did put down Two aces then you'd pick up the cards," Ray tried again._

_"Fine, fine. Go then," she said._

_"It's your turn. We're on 5's."_

_"OK. Four 5's," she said and put down some cards._

_He looked down at the mini deck with suspicion. Then he moved the cards around a bit, she slapped his hand away._

_"You can't touch the cards!" She yelled._

_He laughed. "How many cards did you put down?"_

_She sighed. "Seven. But you weren't supposed to know that. You can't touch the cards."_

_He laughed some more. "Says who? I thought I was teaching you this game?"_

_"Well, I'm adding a rule. 'You can't touch the cards'."_

_Ray laughed wildly now. "You're just mad cause I found you out, you cheater."_

_She pouted and threw the cards at him. "I don't want to play anymore."_

_"Aw, Neela!" He called after her as she got up. "Come on!"_

_"NO!" She yelled back and shut the door to her room._

_000000000000000000000000_

Ray stopped going forward with the needle. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath, trying to get thoughts of Neela out of his mind. Once he felt he was ready, he went forward again.

"GO FISH!"

The radio was then clicked on.

"Ohhhh," the girl cringed.

"Over two thousand have been confirmed dead already. Livestock had been found all over the lands, dead. The people here are completely devastated by this trag…"

"GO FISH!"

"Ugh!" Ray got up and slammed the needle into the disposal. He peeled his gloves off and bolted out of the room. "I can't do this. Chuny!"

"Yeah, Ray?"

"IV on bed 4 please," he said and didn't wait for her reply. He walked out of the ER. He desperately needed some air.

"Ray?" Chuny called after him, worried, but he didn't hear her.

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Present Time - Brahmapur, India

_At least I know where I am_, Neela thought to herself. However, the thought didn't comfort her. She was stuck in Aunt Rajah's collapsed home, broken glass all over the places, boards ripped apart, and water creating a pond in the house. The small of her back was in such pain, she felt as if she might split in two just standing up straight. Her own breath heavy, blood stained her clothes, gashes and abrasions all over her body. The waves had had no mercy on them and slammed into the house and hit her with such a force that her body had been numb for a few hours. She had been knocked unconscious and was unsure of how much time had passed.

Though she'd already found her mother and sister's bodies, she hoped that the rest of her family had survived. She tried to walk but couldn't and so she had to slide on the floor through the water using her arms. She feared one of them might be broken. Her energy was shot and with a few movements dizziness would overwhelm her. She tried not to think of what had happened because she knew she'd be driven mad with fright. But fear was already setting in of her own impending death. She didn't feel good at all and had already coughed up some blood.

She clutched at her chest as she tried to catch her breath but it wouldn't come. Rolling over on her back, she lay there able, to see the skies through the partially collapsed roof. She felt blackness washing over her. As she shut her eyes, the only person she saw was Ray.

"Ray?" She whimpered as she fell into unconsciousness.

To be continued…


	3. Chapter 3

Sorry guys that it took so long for this chapter! I've been in and out of the hospital. I'm gonna need a heart/lung transplant sometime in the future but doctors are working with me to hold it off as long as possible. Anyway, here is the chapter.

Part 3

Neela sat up against what was left of a wall in Aunt Rajah's kitchen. Her eyes were closed as she tried to catch her breathe from the struggle of trying to sit herself up. The sound of the water still in the house reminded her of what had happened. A tsunami had hit. Never in a million years would she have guessed she'd experience this.

_If only mom and dad stayed in England for Christmas._

Hunger and thirst were powerfully coming down on her. The salt water of the sea would give her no satisfaction, but she desperately reached out for a stray apple floating near her. Immediately she bit into it, moaning in pleasure as she began to satisfy her need for food.

"_Macaroni and cheese for a snack?" Neela asked incredulous._

_"It's cheesy," Ray answered with a big bright smile as he stirred cheese into the pot of macaroni._

_"It's not sensible."_

_Ray sighed and shook his head, "What can I say? I'm not really a sensible kind of guy."_

_Neela scoffed, "right." She grabbed a Gala apple from the basket of fruit nearby. "How about an apple?" She offered._

_"How about you go to hell?" Ray said and nudged her teasingly._

_"Oh I'm sorry. I didn't know having an apple was such a sin?" Neela replied, slightly hurt by his joke._

_"Yeah. Ask Adam and Eve," Ray answered and grabbed a bowl of Mac n' Cheese then headed for the couch._

_Once he sat down, Neela turned to see the back of his head as he watched the tv. It was just too tempting and she couldn't hold back. Ready, aim, fire! The Gala apple smacked him right on the back of the head. _

_"Ouch! NEELA!"_

_Neela bolted for her room, locking the door._

She clutched at her sides when the pain came. The memory had brought on a chuckle. A painful one at that. _Damn Ray. He's a pain even when he's not around. _She thought to herself. But, oh, how she really wanted him around at this moment. She held back a good cry as she thought of how much she just wanted to go home.

Back at the ER…

"Come on Weaver, cut me some slack!" Ray practically yelled in frustration. Weaver, cane in hand, didn't even miss a step as she continued to walk on, picking up and dropping off charts.

"Look Barnett, we're all worried about Neela but there is nothing we can do," she said, paying more attention to the charts. "I understand--"

"You don't understand!" Ray cut her off. She finally looked up at him, knives in her glare but he wasn't going to back down on this. Nobody understand and he'd be damned if somebody would belittle the way he felt right now. "Neela was just another doctor to you. You barely speak to her so I find it hard to believe you're losing any sleep. So, no. You don't understand how I feel."

There was a silence before Weaver finally replied. "You're right. On it all Ray. I don't know how you feel. Yes, I am worried for Neela, but I'm not losing sleep. And do you know why?"

Ray waited, flames ready to ignite from his breathe.

"Because a Tsunami occurred. It's been 3 days and we haven't heard anything. I'm not going to have or give false hope. We all have to be prepared for the fact that Neela has probably died."

And with that a blinding pain seared through Rays chest. Weaver stared at him, regret over her words screamed through her eyes, but it was too late to take it back now. Instead, she watched as Ray crumbled though still trying to remain stoic. For the first time, Weaver didn't know what to do. She couldn't even act like her usual stone wall. So instead, she turned and walked away, shame coursing through her.

"Ray?" Abby studied the ghost of a man she knew to be Ray Barnett. When he wavered to the side and grabbed on to the counter to steady himself, she knew something was definitely wrong. "Ray."

He mumbled.

"What?" Abby asked, struggling to hear him.

"She's dead, isn't she Abby?" He said and regained his composure to look at her.

It hurt to look at him yet it he also surprised her. She never realized how much Ray cared for Neela, but it was obvious she was all he thought about. Was she dead? Abby didn't know for sure. It had been 3 days and most would say she probably was. But how could she give up on her best friend? How could she expect Ray to give up on her. "I don't know, Ray," Abby whispered.

Ray didn't say anything.

"I guess…we'll just have to wait," Abby offered.

Ray swallowed back his pain and shook his head. "No."

"No?"

"No." He looked at her. "We can't wait."

Abby took in a breathe. "Well, what else is there Ray?"

"I'll go there."

"You'll go there?"

He nodded. "Yeah. Brahmapur, India. That's where she went. I have the address to her aunts house. She wrote it down for emergencies." He paused. "She always does that, you know."

"Ray."

"I'll go there." He said, sure of his mission. "I'll go there and I'll find her."

To be continued….


End file.
